If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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