I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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