Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize