I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
