u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
