the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
