my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
