i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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