At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
