morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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