This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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