ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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