No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
