it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
