you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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