She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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