Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
