his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
