Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
