he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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