i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
