I can text with my tongue
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
