used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
