I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
