when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
