A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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