after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
