they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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