Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
