He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
