these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
