Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
