well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
