If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
