how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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