i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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