Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
