Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
