he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Operation Purity has been aborted
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
