I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
