He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
