My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
