We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
