You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
