I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
