woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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