i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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