I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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