im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mom said you looked used
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
