I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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