honey bunches of taint.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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