I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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