Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
