My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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